With all the recent interest in vampires, I thought I would talk a bit about vampires that are a little less sexy, a little less interesting and a little less fun to watch. These are emotional vampires. We’ve all got them in our lives, and it’s important to our own health and well-being to become aware of their presence.
What is an Emotional Vampire?
An emotional vampire is a person who brings you down. Someone who affects your mood, your level of energy and sometimes your whole day (week, month?) If you think about it right now, I’ll bet you can identify someone whom you may try to avoid or don’t like talking to because when it’s over you feel worse than before it began. These people may complain all the time, use guilt to get what they want or become downright devious. They may create drama where there was none, start rumors, cry, whine, insult, argue or complain excessively. Let’s hope you don’t identify this person as yourself, but if you do, that’s actually good. We can get to work on changing that behavior forever once you’re aware of it. As for other people, well, here are 5 tips for recognizing and releasing emotional vampires from your life.
1. Check Your Mood
If your mood is consistently worsened by the presence of one or more people, you might check to see if the emotional vampire phenomenon is to blame. You may sometimes hear that darkness is destroyed by the presence of light, but I can tell you from experience that some people can’t be lit. If you’ve tried to use your wit, charm, positive talk and smiles to lighten up someone else, and it just ain’t workin’, you might have an emotional vampire on your hands. Try to avoid them if possible. If it’s not possible, it’s likely you’ll end up needing counseling.
2. Check Your Progress
Do you have somewhere you need to go or be? Do you have something you need to get done? Are you running late or completely distracted because someone is doing, saying or acting a certain way that is interfering with your life? It’s important to understand that this isn’t about blaming others for your actions, but emotional vampires have a way of keeping you from your best moments. They don’t particularly like anything shiny. If you’re trying to shine and you’re feeling particularly dull, check back with step one and see what your mood is like. Step away from the emotional vampires and get on with your day.
3. Are You Involved in a Crisis that You Didn’t Create?
Emotional vampires have a way of involving you in their misdeeds, possibly without your even being aware of it. Think of any drama that you’re currently involved in and check to see if it’s yours. Have you been guilted into helping someone with a situation that didn’t have anything to do with you? Are you being blamed for something that you didn’t do? Are you trying to fix someone else’s problems while they sit around and just complain? Stop it. Stop it right now.
4. Do you Feel Depressed?
Do you avoid going home, or going to work, or going to visit your family? Do you get depressed when you are faced with a particular situation or event because you dread having to deal with a particular person who makes you feel miserable? Though our feelings are our own, and we really do get to choose which ones we latch on to, emotional vampires make this choice much more difficult than it needs to be. If you are genuinely happy for most of your day, but find yourself feeling depressed at the thought of coming into contact with someone specific, that person may be an emotional vampire.
5. Check Your Truth
Truth is relative…even your truth. If you are constantly fighting and arguing with someone over big things, small things, petty things or even no things, you might want to take a moment and check your truth. Just because you believe something, doesn’t necessarily make it true for everyone else. Fighting and bickering is not likely to change someone else’s truth. Emotional vampires come in all shapes and sizes and are sometimes difficult to detect. Your actions, no matter how noble, may just be interfering with someone else’s day, making you a potential emotional vampire for them. This life is just too short to be miserable. If you are genuinely trying to become less miserable, you need to stay true to yourself and only yourself. There are plenty of people in the world that will resonate with your truth, no matter what it is. Seek out those people, often referred to as like-minded, and you’ll find yourself feeling happier, getting more accomplished and truly looking forward to being in the company of people who don’t suck the life right out of you.
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I encourage you to leave comments about your experiences with emotional vampires. Please feel free to add anything that I may have left out. Let’s pour sunlight on these emotional vampires and put an end to this type of behavior for good!